Chapter 10- Hard for the Heart

"I CHOOSE…"


Danny Saucedo, Eric Saade and Molly Sandén fanfiction, written by Kikisan.


Please, do not repost it in any place without asking permission and crediting me & this forum, thank you! This fanfic is inspired off course by Eric, his amazing girlfriend, his talented friend Danny and my friend Nika who has previously posted a fanfic just for fun. All events described here are not necessary true (but we can pretend they are just for a moment!).


Chapter 10- Hard for the Heart




-    Eric, wake up please


It was my girlfriend trying to make me wake up. I put my hands in my head trying to remember what the hell I was dreaming about. I had a terrible headache and I felt pain from inside. Oh and then I noticed that I have cried.
I couldn’t remember what my dream was about but it took me just a few seconds to remember what was the subject of my dream: Danny.




After Danny met me in the dressing room and he didn’t want to forgive me I just feel destroyed. I felt like a zombie, a man with no soul, living with no hopes day after day.
Of course there were a few moments where I could smile and be me: the first ones were, when I was working and I was giving my heart and my soul for my fans, for example. But that’s of course, because I simply ignore the rest of my emotions and for these few hours art makes me something superior, an idol. I could be stronger, I could be a lover, I could be whatever I want!




The second times in my day where I can live without him exist thanks to Molly. I just need to focus on her and give all my love and I can smile for her and feel the love.
But I can’t be completely happy because her presence also reminds me that my heart is not complete. Let me explain, it is like being an orphan who has lost his father and he loved him so much. The poor boy has decided to love his mother more than he has done before.
This can heal for a moment the pain he has everyday but the presence of his mother also made him remember that he once had a father and now he has gone and he’ll always be incomplete.




I have written to Danny. I have also tried to call him but he just disappeared from my life. He didn’t want to know anything about me. He didn’t answer. I was condemned to unhappiness.




-    It was just a nightmare- I lied.
-    Right- she said. She obviously didn’t believe in such stupid explanation.
We remained in silence for a few seconds until Molly couldn’t stand it anymore.




-    Come on Eric! You know it was not just a nightmare.
She looked at me with meaningful eyes. She always cares for me.
I sighed.


-    I will tell you all. I love you- I added.




When I finished what I had to say, she looked a little bit upset.


-    Why do you guys act so stupid?
-    Give me a break!
-    I mean, what you’ve done to my cousin wasn’t the brightest thing you could do. But… Dammit! D knows you love him.
-    This doesn’t help me at all- I said frustrated
-    Why is that hard to just forget and forgive?
-    It’s not that easy
-    Why?


I shrugged
-    Ask Danny.




-    Incredible! And they say girls are the ones who make things more complicated.
I tried to smile but it hurts.


-    Molly can I ask you something?
-    Of course you can.
-    Please, don’t talk to Danny about this. I don’t want that he knows I’m feeling sad because of him
-    Ok, I promise! She said.


By the tone of my girlfriend’s voice, I knew she will actually do the opposite and go talk to Danny as soon as possible.






***


I didn’t notice the time when I returned home. I was enjoying just by thinking about the beautiful image of Eric Saade, naked, waiting for me in our bed.
Oh man, he is so lovely. I love everything about him: the color of his hair, his skin, his precious smile, his lips, his whole body, the way he gives it to me. He is just… too perfect to be real.


I feel like the happiest man on earth. I should send some flowers to Måns. Without him we wouldn’t experimented the best escapade of our lives. His crib is simply incredible, like an island of wonder where all my dirty fantasies with Eric come true.


When I went to bed, Janna, my girlfriend was waiting for me. I didn’t say a word. I didn’t want to wake her up. However, she noticed that I was there because she suddenly put her hands on my chest. I closed my eyes with a pervy smile thinking about all the dirty things I’ve done this night. I felt like a prince!


Me and my girl have a secret agreement that has worked for us until now. She never asked me anything about what I’ve done and why I arrived too late some days in the morning and I don’t have to lie to her. And of course I accomplish with all my obligations as his boyfriend.
Not that I mind, even if she doesn’t make me feel not even a 1% of what I feel with Eric.




I guess you might think I’m the worst person for playing with my girl’s feelings. But let me explain. I can tell you, I never chose to meet Eric Saade at the Melodifestivalen Song Contest and fell so deeply in love with him that I just forget about the rest of the world.
Before Eric, I have cheated on Janna, but it was just with girls. What can I do? I’m famous, talented and a good looking date. Did I say modest? Every night I found at least a girl that is craving to have sex with me. I can’t resist forever. However it was just sex and I never call them back. But when I met Eric… It was real love, in a way I’ve never felt for someone before, not even for my first girlfriend.




Do I love Janna? Yes I do, but in a different way I love Eric. She is… like a sister to me. I want to make her happy and protect her and she is very important to me.
Wait! You don’t have sex with your sister! Bad example hahaha, but at least you understand what I mean.




So basically, when Eric came to my life, he changed all the rules that are applied to me. They simply don’t work out with him.
First: I’m not a very romantic person, with Eric I became a very affectionate person, but most important, if I’m calling you and you don’t answer me, f**ck you! I won’t call you back. But now, I have done this, “thanks” to Eric. I need him and when I saw him, there’s an annoying part of me that would surrender on his feet.




I don’t like to beg for love, I have never cried for love before. Actually it’s quite the opposite. Guess what? I’ve become a cartoon of myself thanks to Eric. I sometimes feel upset because of this. I mean who does he think he is to make me feel like this? That was the reason why I was feeling so angry after I wake up.




I was feeling very sick. I couldn’t sleep and it wasn’t because I was feeling guilty for cheating on my girlfriend with a boy. It was just because I felt like if someone was kicking my whole body. My stomach ache and I had a terrible headache.




I felt so weak. I really need him so I sent him a SMS
Hi Eric, how r’ you doing? Can you call me back?
Nothing happened. I thought it was very clear that I need him NOW. So I write again


Hey? Haven’t you read my last message? I need to talk to you.
10 minutes passed and I haven’t received a f*cking sign of life from Eric. I wrote again


Look Eric. I don’t want to bother you but… I’m feeling sick. I need to be with U. Love U.




I felt so pathetic for making my boy notice how much I miss him. Is he playing with me?


EEEEEriiiiiiic!!! Where are you now manboy? I hate fucking waiting.
40 minutes after the first message and the cute boy didn’t give a d**n. I wrote once again
(…) Still waiting U.U




That was enough. How dare him?- I asked to myself feeling really stupid, but the expression of my face changed when I read a message from Eric


I’m sorry Danny. I had to talk to you too. I’m having problems with Molly right now. I miss you too


I could even imagine Eric’s boyish voice giving this weak explanation for his absence.




And in less than a minute he was calling me


-    Hi Danny.
-    Oh hi, Eric- I said trying my best not to yell at him.
-    Man, I wanted to talk to you- He said.
Oh, his sweet precious voice captivates me. I need to believe in him.
-    Don’t worry. You are talking to me right now.
-    But you are sick- He said.
I could notice he was feeling worried and guilty.
-    Nothing to worry about, manboy- I lied. It was probably something I ate yesterday but I’m ok. I’ve had the worst night ever, Eric. Man, I feel like a dog.
-    You are not the only one who is not feeling well Danny. I had a terrible night and it became worst as it passed.
-    Is it Molly? Oh dear, what has happened?
-    I talk to you later. I promise. And please go to the doctor. I need you to be healthy at my side.


That really touches me. I laughed.
-    And I need your happiness.
-    I love you.
-    I love you too.




And once again I decided to ignore all the negativity. This dark side on me that wanted to scream and that was angry most of the times.
Eric gave me some really nice presents but he just needed to show himself to make my heart beat faster. I forgot everything. I wanted to kiss him all over. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to just touch him and make love to him. He is the sweetest thing that I’ve ever known. He is my soulmate and all I need to live.




But he just wanted to talk about his girlfriend. He insisted so much until he finally forced me to talk about his relationship destroying such a beautiful moment we were living.
Why Eric? Why do you act so stupid?
In this moment I was literary hating Molly.




However, Eric always gets what he wants with me and we end up talking about how she discovered that we were dating when I really don’t want to talk about it.
Eric was obsessed with the idea of finding out how Molly knew it all. He even tried to blame me for this! And the most ridiculous part was that his girlfriend forgave him. How can he be so lucky and complain for this at the same time?




However it was not until he said he didn’t want to be with me that he made me angry again.
I didn’t want to see him anymore. Why should I care when he doesn’t even make an effort?


d**n, but once again I couldn’t control myself when an emotional Eric who was about to cry left the room feeling sad for what he has done. I felt so bad for making him suffer


-    Eric, I’m sorry- I said
-    No you’re right
He cried on my shoulder. I hugged him and then we kissed. Eric stayed for the rest of the day with me lying in my bed. I found happiness feeling his warm body next to me.




I thought everything was right but next day Eric once again did not answer the phone. It was simply not fair that he played with me as he was doing.




-    What is supposed you are doing? - I asked with anger.
Everything that I’ve tried to keep inside of me, all the things that were in my head these last days were there and I couldn’t stand it anymore.
-    I was working D.
-    Right! You are working- I replied.
-    You are so busy that you can’t even answer the phone right?
-    I guess you want it to be alone.
-    I’m getting tired of all this s**t, Eric Khaled Saade. I love you but it seems that you don’t care.
-    Of course I care!
-    You are proving it right Eric!
-    f**k! I’m so stupid, calling you all day long when you don’t even want to answer the phone.
-    I know I’m hurting you. I know it, so d**n right Danny- Eric cried.


Did he really think that was enough to solve things?
-    I can’t forgive myself for doing this, but I need to be alone, apart from my girlfriend and apart from you- he explained.
-     Why Eric?
-    ‘Cause I’m dealing with an emotional crisis, or… I don’t know how to call it. The point is that I need that you give me some time to understand who I am- he asked me.
-    Great! The baby boy has an emotional crisis now that he finally discovered that he is bisexual!


I just couldn’t believe he’d say this.
-    I call you later, I promise.
-    Thank you for your honesty. Now f**k off- I said and I hang up the phone without even waiting for Eric’s answer.




I was feeling angry and hurt at the same time. It was just terrible.
I don’t deserve to be treated like this. This is simply an insult, considering that I’ve told him that if I have to chose between him and Janna I would not even take a second and I’d chose him. Simply because my girlfriend is nothing in front of him.
Maybe that was my mistake, to open my heart to Eric Saade. He took my love for granted and he knew he could play with me. And now I felt hurt.




Next day, Eric was calling me.
All night I have thought about how bad I was felling and my conclusion was that I was simply giving too much for this relationship. It’s just unfair. I didn’t answer this time.


-    Oh hey Danny! It’s Eric. I know I’ve been an idiot for the next couples of days- suddenly I noticed that he was feeling sad- and that you are right for feeling like this. I want to apologize for this… If you don’t want to talk to me, I’d understand it, but my point is… I’m sorry.


I felt so angry with myself because I knew, deep in my heart that I wanted to run to Eric’s arms. No matter what he’s done to me. He’ll always be there
I can’t take this anymore! I have to get out of this.
Even if I have a dead expression on my face, pretending to be rude. Inside my soul, I was desperately crying, because I’ve got to the conclusion that I needed to end up this relationship.




Life is a play and we all play a part
But it often gets hard for the heart