Chapter 11- Say It

"I CHOOSE…"


Danny Saucedo, Eric Saade and Molly Sandén fanfiction, written by Kikisan.


Please, do not repost it in any place without asking permission and crediting me & this forum, thank you! This fanfic is inspired off course by Eric, his amazing girlfriend, his talented friend Danny and my friend Nika who has previously posted a fanfic just for fun. All events described here are not necessary true (but we can pretend they are just for a moment!).


Chapter 11- Say It


When I came looking for Eric, I didn’t knew what was my intention.
What was I suppose to do when Eric would be in front me?
Forgive him? That would be the best ending for our discussion, but something told me that it wouldn’t be that easy.
Yell at him? Maybe.


What I was sure about this situation was that I was about to make an important decision. Scary, isn’t it?


When I finally arrived to Eric’s dressing room he was not there.
I wait there like a statuette. When my manboy arrived, he was astonished as he wasn’t expecting me. He couldn’t say a single word so I started.


-    Eric. You were looking for me, weren’t you?
I could feel Eric was hardly breathing. He didn’t know what to think or what to say
-    Yes. I wanna…
-    … Talk to me- I finished.
-    Danny, I’m sorry. I’ve been stupid.


For some reason this makes me even angrier. Maybe it was because I just want to fight and Eric is not a fighter he is a lover.


-    Is that all you have to said Saade? – I reproached him


That was enough for my boyfriend. Eric started crying.


No please, that’s the easiest way to break Danny’s heart. Not today, I needed to stop him!


-    Don’ cry! - I shouted.
-    You can’t fix things just by crying.
-    Then, what do you want from me? – Eric asked me.


I could feel his suffering just by listening his voice. I didn’t look at him. Otherwise I’d cry too.


Come on Danny, you have to be strong this time.


-    f**k you! - I said trying to look ruder than how I actually was feeling.


I turned away, blinded by my tears.
I swear I wanted to kill someone. Maybe it will the first person I’d see. Maybe myself? I don’t know.


I felt like trash.


-    Daniel Gabriel Alessandro Saucedo YOU ARE THE MOST DISGUSTING PERSON I’VE EVER SEEN- I said to myself.
d**n I hate me. I don’t want to be myself. I wanted to hit myself over and over again for what I’ve done. That’s right. I wanted to hit my head against the wall for making Eric cry!


I could not get out of my head the picture of Eric crying and destroyed. And the fact that I haven’t done anything for him makes me feel even worst.


There was a fight inside of me while I was just walking. I didn’t know where I was going.


-    You should go directly to him and say I’m sorry, Daniel!
-    Wait a minute… it wasn’t my fault. I just don’t know what I was doing when I say “f**k you” to him.
-    Actually- A third voice in my head added- it was Eric’s fault in first place. If he would not make me so angry I would not acted this way.
-    That’s right, let’s blame Eric.


I smiled approving this idea.


-    Remember, it’s Eric’s fault, not mine.


I made my best effort to feel angry. Because that was the only way I have to not think anymore about this subject. Cause deep in my heart, I knew things were more complicated and it would make me feel worst. But I fail in a big way.


-    How dare him? Who does he think he is to make me feel like this?
-    Just because he is the cutest… Danny, concentrate!


d**n, my Eric is so irresistible. I can’t ignore how much I love him. Simple as that.


-    Oh and now he wanted to apologize for what he has done. He always thinks he can fix things just saying I’m sorry. It’s not right.


It was working for the moment. I felt better and I decided to come back home but after a few minutes walking the pain return, even stronger.
I took a taxi and told the driver where to go. I was completely lost in my thoughts. I didn’t notice where we were going. I didn’t pay attention to the road or to the things that were happening around me.


There was a fight inside of me I could never win because I haven’t done things right… sigh.
I made my best effort to blame Eric. I even tried to think that he has done everything just to make me suffer. That he was just playing with my feelings because he wanted to inflict me this pain when he was ignoring me. But come on, that was the most ridiculous excuse I have ever made.


-    Come on; let’s just imagine Eric making an evil plan to make me suffer.


That’s so ridiculous. Thinking about an “evil Eric” was as ridiculous as thinking about a “stupid Einstein” a “smart Bush” or an “unsexy Danny”. He is almost like an angel. He is so good and sexy at the same time. Eric Saade is just glorious.
Not again!


Next day, Eric sent me an email but this time it was me who was hiding himself.
Guess I was receiving a little taste of my own medicine. Now I understood why it was so difficult for Eric to answer my calling. In my case I felt insecure and unprepared to face Eric and… let’s admit it, maybe say I’m sorry.
So I just ignored them trying my best not to think about how Eric may feel.


Molly called me some days later. I wasn’t expecting her calling, thought it was probably too obvious that she would do something.


Last time I have talked to Eric’s girlfriend I have told her that I felt worried for Eric because he was ignoring me and I found out that he was doing the same with her. But this time the atmosphere couldn’t be more different.


-    Hi Danny, how are you?
-    Very well, thanks Molly- I said pretending that I was happy after talking to her and so did she. - How is my favorite cousin doing?
She sighed
-    I’ll be direct. Look Danny, Eric is not feeling right since you have discussed.
-    Oh- I said.


I didn’t know what to say. In fact, every single excuse seems to be stupid and it will make things worse.


-    What did you exactly told him?- She demanded me
-    Why it has to be me the one who do something wrong? - I attacked.
-    I haven’t said that. I just asked you what you told him to make Eric feel so depressed.
-    Nothing! We just have a friendly discussion.
-    That’s good. You just have a friendly discussion and now you don’t even want to talk to each other.
-    Hmm… Molly, please.


-    I don’t care what you are thinking anyway but you should know that Eric never wanted to hurt you.


That statement made me feel as angry as I was before. So basically she was trying to make me feel that I was “the bad guy” and Eric’s always right. No way! That’s fucking wrong.


-    I knew you were going to say something like this because… well you are his girlfriend, you have to be on Eric’s side.
-    Always- she shouted
-    And I guess Eric explained you how I made him cry.
-    Don’t be ridiculous Daniel.
-    Let me tell you that you forgot that he was ignoring me for days.
-    He did the same with me! So what. He needed to take some time to assimilate things.
-    So that’s it. Eric always has an excuse…
-    It’s not like this! You were both stupid but you know… inside of you that you want to forgive him, so why don’t you do it dumbass?
I was shocked. Molly should be very upset to talk this way. These are not the words you expect to hear from a sweet girl like she is.


-    I know I have to talk to…
-    Well, what are you waiting? Do you need an appointment?
Ouch, these are my jokes.


Molly sighed.


-    Danny, I know the reasons why you feel so offended. But you have to know that Eric never wanted to hurt you and that he feels sorry.
It seems to me that she was desperately trying to make me understand this. She didn’t want to discuss, just to fix things. However, I wasn’t in the same mood.
-    Oh and how can you be so sure that Eric really feels sorry?
-    Maybe because I know him better than you! - She replied with an angry tone before hanging up the telephone.
Great. Now I have an extra problem!


“Maybe she knows him better than I do”


Ouch that really hurts. But that’s not completely truth. She just thinks she is better than me because she is more unconditional to Eric.


Let’s cut it off. Comparing me with Molly is so ridiculous. Let’s just focus on my main problem: Eric.


d**n! I love him. I was sure about this. It’s actually more than that. I’m sure I have never loved someone, man or female as I love Eric.
It’s just Eric and the rest of the world.
So what was the big deal?
That the idea of acting as if nothing had happened made me feel so angry


-    Why Danny? Why you have to be so hard with yourself? - A voice inside of me that usually sounds like Eric asked me this question.


I guess I’ve took my decision! I give up, I was wrong.
Look? It wasn’t that bad. I am going to see Eric tomorrow at Parken Zoo. After his concert. I just need to tell my manager


I call him.


-    I can’t be home in the afternoon. I’ll be in Eskilstuna; I have something important to do.
-    But you can’t
I knew this will happened. I was in my boiling point because of the stress and the emotions going up and down. I knew that I will explode sooner or later.
-    I am not asking for your permission! I am just telling you that I will be outside the city tomorrow!


Someone was knocking on the door


-    Wait a minute! - I shouted.
-    What are you going to do in Eskilstuna, anyway?
-    It’s not your business
-    Great


The person was still knocking on the door


-    Damnit. Wait!


Who the hell can be knocking on my door at this hour? Man this is crazy.


-    Danny we have a tight schedule for tomorrow. You can’t just cancel everything the day before the events.
-    I’m sorry but that’s what I want to do. I’ll talk with the record label or whoever you want, to postpone everything but I won’t go.
Now the person behind the door was knocking desperately.
-    I’m coming- I announced.
-    I call you later- I said before hanging up the phone.


When I opened the door it was worst than seeing a ghost.
It was Eric but he had the saddest expression in his face I have ever seen in him and he was covered in tears.


My eyes started to hurt. I knew I was about to cry. I feel the pain invading my whole body and I feel guilty. I felt injured, bleeding, devastated and I have the conviction I wouldn’t be able to kill the pain because I’ll never forgive myself.


I can’t face Eric. Not like this. Things are not going as I planned
He was looking directly to my eyes. And I felt burnt inside.


***
There's no way I can ignore it
I've gotta say it today
Don't want you slipping away
Say it


When I came to Danny’s house I was completely destroyed. I felt it was the last chance I have to recover him. If I failed… I don’t want to know what would happen with my life.
I arrived but it was obvious that he didn’t want to know anything about me. He looked angry while he was talking with someone. It made me feel worst.


I don’t know for how much time I wait but it was like hours for me. Every second gives me an intense pain.
When Danny finally opened the door I felt I was about to faint. I was weak, with no voice, no energy, no hope, nothing.
Danny looked at me. It seems that he was speechless and he was shock.


I didn’t have time to wait.


-    Danny I’m sorry.
For a moment I couldn’t continue. I lose my breath and I just cried.
-    I know there’s nothing I can do to fix it. But if there’s something I can give you to repair you. Take it, I don’t deserve it. It’s all yours.


I put my hands up and I close my eyes.
Danny was frozen. It seems that he didn’t understand.


-    You can hit me as much as you can.
I’ll do anything for him. I feel I might be prepared. If he needed a punching bag I could be that.


-    No!
-    Eric, the only reason I would beat you is for giving you pleasure. Not to punish you.
I couldn’t help myself and I started laughing.
And then, Danny took my arms and started kissing me desperately, as a thirsty man in the middle of the desert that has suddenly found an oasis.


I could feel his thirst. It seems that I’ve forgotten how wonderful it tastes Danny’s kisses because, for me it was one of the best kisses I’ve ever received.
Then Danny touched my face with both hands, appreciating every single detail. He was also surprised and I can understand why. It’s almost incredible that we could be together… after all.


He kissed my cheeks and drank my tears but now it was him who cried.


-    Eric, please forgive me
-    No, you have to forgive me, not me who…
-    Of course not, Eric. Just see how you look like. And I just left you for a week.
-    Excuse me?
-    Yes, Eric- he laughed. You look… horrible. I mean, I have seen some victims from hurricane Katrina and they look better than you. Where’s the funeral?
-    Danny!
We looked at each other’s eyes and we started laughing as little kids would do. That’s how things should be.


-    Promise you won’t do this to me never again.
-    I promise- I said
-    Cause you have been a pretty bad boy Eric, he said.


He gets closer to me and he softly bites my neck and slapped my ass. I moaned in pleasure.


-    Oh God. Eric you look so mouth-watering.
He bites his lip.
-    It has something to be with our fight. I miss you so much that I’ve never seen you as sexy as today.


Was he saying what I thought? I bite my lower lip.


-    Eric, marry me!
-    Are you serious?
-    Sure, I would marry you. But I don’t want to cause any trouble with your clean “straight good looking boy” image
-    Don’t forget kids friendly and innocent.
-    Oh right hahahaha. How could I forget that my “Disney” boy is an innocent boy and friendly for kid’s audience? - He laughed.


-    You see?
-    I wouldn’t care about the press or even my whole career for you.
-    That’s the reason why I’m the responsible adult in this relationship.


For a beautiful moment I thought he was seriously talking about this subject.


-    I’m sure Molly wouldn’t care if you…
-    But Janna won’t. If I marry you, she’ll come in the middle of the night and she’ll castrate me.
I didn’t know if he was talking seriously. But he was enjoying the conversation.
-    Would you love me even if I don’t have a penis?
-    What?- I shouted- I can’t imagine you without… your private parts.
-    I can- he laughed. I’m sure I’d be a sexy girl.
-    Shut up, Danny


-    Well seriously Eric, I have an amazing plan for tonight… to compensate you for the last days.


He winked at me.
-    Is it better than sex?
-    It can be better… it can be whatever you want.